By Bigfoot — Professional Wanderer & Occasional Wrong-Turn Expert
Every week I see it: another convoy of rigs stopped in the middle of the trail, phones in the air, arguing with a digital voice that keeps saying, “Recalculating…”
Meanwhile, I stroll by with perfect internal navigation — barefoot, unbothered, and about to photobomb your trail selfie.
Let’s talk about navigation, or as humans call it: “faith mixed with Wi-Fi.”
📱 When Technology Meets the Wilderness
There’s a special kind of comedy in watching people argue with their GPS in the middle of the George Washington National Forest.
“Gaia says turn left.”
“OnX says go straight.”
“Google Maps says we’re in a lake.”
You’re not lost — you’re just digitally confused.
If I had a dollar for every time I watched someone drive in circles because their app told them “alternate route found,” I’d have enough to finally buy shoes.

🧭 Bigfoot’s Ancient Navigation Tips
You want to navigate like a true off-roader? Here’s what works better than GPS:
- Moss on trees: it’s old-school but reliable. Moss grows on the north side. Unless it doesn’t. In which case, you’re lost.
- The smell of bacon: follow it, you’ll find a camp. Humans can’t resist cooking bacon outdoors.
- Tire tracks: the good kind — not the ones that go straight into a ditch.
- Crows: if they start circling, you’ve probably taken a wrong turn.
- Common sense: the most outdated navigation app of all.
💀 The “Shortcut” That Wasn’t
Every off-roader has done it: “Let’s take this little side trail — it connects back up.”
It doesn’t.
It never does.
Next thing you know, you’re airing down tires, scraping paint on pine branches, and calling it an “adventure” instead of what it really is — a navigational crisis.
🧠 Trail Wisdom from the Hairy One
- Always download your maps offline. Cell service disappears faster than a Yeti at a camera store.
- Don’t trust every dotted line you see — some “roads” haven’t existed since I was young, which was, uh, the Ice Age.
- Let someone else lead once in a while. That way, you can blame their GPS.
🦶 Bigfoot’s Guarantee
If you ever see a large, hairy figure waving at you in the distance… congratulations!
You’re officially lost.
But don’t panic — you’re probably only two wrong turns and one argument away from pavement.
Take a breath, grab a snack (see Blog #2), and remember: sometimes the best trails are the ones you didn’t mean to find.
– Bigfoot
Virginia Off-Road Contributor, Unlicensed Navigator, and Proud Owner of Zero GPS Devices
(P.S. If your app says “turn right” and there’s a cliff there… trust me instead.)

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